You all may think I’m crazy. But here goes . . .
I want to kiss the hag at the well. I want to embrace and lie down with the Cailleach and transmute her into the beauty of the goddess of sovereignty. This morning when I was working out, I had a flash o’ imbas. “You have to embrace and love the pain!” Now to anyone who works out this may not seem like that much a of a revelation. After all, we all know the old adage, “No pain, no gain”, right? Well this morning I understood this concept in new ways. This last year has included both the death of my Mom and big problems in my marriage. There have been times that I just lost it, and screamed at the gods, “Holy fucking shit! Just back the fuck off!” ;-) To deal with it I have tried whiskey, sex, exercise, changes in diet, and a whole host of other distractions. I can say that exercise, and changes in diet, have probably brought the most healing, but even they are not enough.
How limited we humans are in our view. This is not an insult, but a statement of compassion. Free will allows us to make our own decisions, but it also gives us a feeling of separation from each other and the whole of Creation. My limited view has been the “good” and “bad” labels attached to experiences over the last year. The down side of this view is the constant energy I must expend to keep the bad memories at bay. But just like working out a muscle, my Spirit is the same way, it must deal with and embrace the “bad” experiences in order to grow and evolve. In other words, what you resist persists.
So what does this all mean for me? Well I am going to continue with exercise and eating well, I will also be doing daily Faery Seership practices (that have helped tremendously). Along with this however, I plan to sit down everyday and bring up a painful memory from this past year and embrace it. I want to kiss the “hags” of my experiences and see what comes of it. After all She seems to be beckoning to me right now anyway, so why the hell not?